Well today I saw the 4th worst Jurassic Park movie.
It may be rated better than the two other sequels, but at least the other two had a plot. They weren't great by any stretch of the means, but at least it was something. Here I couldn't care less for any of the characters that I actually forgot the names of the two main protagonists - the kids.
It's sad when people look at a movie that could be something great, and instead settle for when a movie just says fuck it and throws everything into a blender.
The movie has no suspense or terror. Instead these two emotions are replaced by stupidity as every single person who runs the park appears to have had a lobotomy.
"Giant dinosaur that has killed over fifty people and animals? Let's use non-lethal weapons!"
"Several people died in the last attempt to build this park? Let's add more danger!"
"Raptors? More like the next model of drones for war!"
This movie is what would happen if someone tried to remake Jurassic Park but failed to see everything but the dinosaurs, ironically. The characters are weak as hell, and the plot is nonsensical and a downright failure.
Perhaps the best word I've seen used to describe this movie is "Unnecessary." If this movie hadn't been made, nothing would be lost as it very blatantly has nothing else to add.
And I get it. Nothing can live up to the original Jurassic Park. It's nostalgia, effects, and characters combine in a way to make it an unforgettable classic even with it's mistakes. But to say that this movie is good just because it understands that it can't beat the original and doesn't try to is illogical. If you can't beat a movie, still try to. Don't just throw up your hands and yell "DO WHATEVER" because you've seen the farthest you can go, try to go further. Sure you've hit a wall, but at least reaching that wall deserves credit as nobody else has done it since the first Jurassic Park.
The movie does have some good parts, and that's the biggest shame. I see potential in it, but when I see the movie as a whole, I see Jurassic Park-lite for people who may never have seen the original. Bring on the Raptors. Bring on Chris Pratt. Bring on Dinosaur fights. But please for the love of all that is holy, bring on a plot as well.
I'll write a full spoiler review later.
Hopefully the next twenty movies are better.
What? You thought they'd stop at this? No fucking way, they're earning big money, and they'll beat that dead Brachiosaur until it's gigantic ass stomach stops bleeding money.
Don't see this movie if you actually give a shit about story.
See this movie if you want five seconds of happiness at the end.